It was New Year’s Day, and we were all emotional. Not only were we reflecting upon our year, we were saying goodbye to 2020... a really, really, particularly difficult year for everyone. We were in Ixtapa, Zihuatanejo spending the holidays with my family who we were finally able to see after a long time. He suggested we go and watch the last sunset of the year at the beach, just him, our dog, and me. We got to the beach and he took out a bottle of champagne. I thought nothing of it because it was New Years! Everyone was in a celebratory mood. He poured me a glass as he talked about our future together and asked me how I felt about our future. Again, I didn’t think much of it because it was New Years! Everyone was feeling emotional. He made me a beautiful promise about our commitment to each other, and so I took a colorful ring that I was wearing and put it on his pinky finger as a promise. Then, I turned to look at the most beautiful sunset in front of us and said “I want to do an Instagram live of the sunset, for all those people who weren’t able to leave their homes today”. He loved the idea and so I took my phone, connected to a live stream, and left my phone on the sand looking at the sunset. He grabbed my hand and said “come let’s say goodbye to the last sunset of the year, stand up and let’s do a salutation to the sun”. He took me and placed me right in front of my Instagram live, which I wasn’t happy about because he was blocking the view for everyone! “Trust me” he said. Then, right there, front center of my Instagram Live feed, he got down on one knee, grabbed my hand, put the ring on my finger, and asked me if I wanted to marry him. I immediately thought he was kidding... I thought the ring he put on my finger was mine, the one I had just put on his pinky moments earlier... and I thought he was pretending to propose as a joke to my Instagram live. Also it was dark already so I couldn’t see the ring. “Stop it!” I said. And immediately covered my hand with my finger. As soon as I did this, I felt what was clearly not my ring but and engagement ring... and went into COMPLETE PANIC mode. I didn’t know what to do and all I could think of was the live stream! So I turned around and ran away... leaving him there, down on one knee. I was hyperventilating, genuinely couldn’t think, and nothing... absolutely nothing was coming out of my mouth. He got up and came towards where I was, and then got down on a knee again and said “I’m not moving until you say yes or no”. As much as I wanted to say something, NOTHING was coming out. My brain shut down for what felt like forever, and I was paralyzed. The shock was real... I burst into tears because it was all I could do and then I saw his worried face, which is what finally made me react and say “Yes, okay? The answer is yes. But just give me a minute, let me breathe.” I walked a few steps, took a couple of breathes and then turned back to him and said “okay... I’m so sorry. Can you please ask me again?”. He laughed, and asked me again, and my response was a bit better this time. Then we went back to the house where my entire family was waiting with the Bruno Mars song “I think I want to marry you” blasting full volume. Even though we had been together for 4 years, and had spoken about marriage and future plans for a while, I was genuinely in complete shock. Somehow, I felt like I had thought about the idea of marriage but had never truly processed what it meant to me until I saw him down on one knee. Never in a million years did I think that my reaction would have been like that, or that I would have been completely taken by surprise! (I thought I knew everything...) The proposal was a very big lesson for me... I had always thought about marriage as an “obvious” thing in my life because I grew up with that belief, and so I had somehow (subconsciously) thought that I didn’t even have to think about it or question what I wanted. I didn’t actually need to ask myself that because “you HAVE to get married”. My whole life I had been so focused on getting someone to want to marry me, that I hadn’t actually asked myself if I wanted to get married in the first place. When he asked me, I panicked, because for the first time in my life I was asking myself that question. It wasn’t even that I was so confused about the answer, or shocked by his proposal, it actually had nothing to do with him... I knew I loved this man and that I wanted to be with him, I was just in shock and a little heartbroken with myself by the realization that I hadn’t ever asked MYSELF that question until that very moment. I had always deemed this life changing decision as obvious, when honestly very few things are. Thankfully, in this case, my answer to that question was in sync with what was happening, I wanted to marry this man. But I learned the importance of putting myself first and ME asking myself those questions before anyone else. Now, we’re engaged and in love, and scared, and excited, and learning how to be a better couple every day. This is just the beginning of our story... and I can’t wait to see it unfold. P.S. To all of you who are married or in relationships, what do you think is the secret to a happy relationship? ♥️
