Have you ever felt like your life wasn't yours that you were meant for so much more than this? I was just like that in that I was living a life so that my family would be proud of me but I so unhappy and depressed that I lost myself. Growing up I felt I had to be this type of kid that obeyed and never question authority since parents are supposed to be right all the time. I grew up with overly protective parents and very religious which made it hard to be myself even around my friends. I was taught that god created "Adam and Eve" not "Adam and Steve" which always made me feel ashamed because I knew I was different that I was meant for something better. So just like most people pleasures I listened to others instead of my heart. I got married to a man that I had mix feelings about and I wanted to end it multiple times before and during our marriage until on day I finally ad it where I couldn't stand even looking at him much longer. He was horrible with money and when I worked instead of allowing me to save half of my income we had to spend it. If he was in the negative and knew I was in the positive then I had to be in the negative too. He always made me feel guilty when I said 'I'm broke' and then come home with bags of groceries that we needed. the only way to set him off of my back was to let him have sex event through mentally and physically I didn't want it at all I had to give it to him. I felt so powerless and worthless that I couldn't take it anymore. I was watching 'Below Her Mouth' on Netflex and felt like Dallas in that I love women but unlike Dallas I felt like I was in the wrong body that I was supposed to be a man instead of a woman. Isee my girl and other women more of someone to love, protect and be there when they need someone to just talk to instead of an object or property. I hate guys who talk down to women like they shouldn't be in a 'mans world.' Last time I checked it's Earth where as long as your human you are part of the world. I also hate guys who are 'above' women in a corporate office and she has an idea to help the company and tells him who tells him who then tells the boss and he gets the credit instead of saying "it was Nancy who came up with the idea and if you want me on board with it she has to be in charge of it." So I came out to my husband and some family then dated my girlfriend who has supported me in being trans and making me feel like my true self around her that I have been open not only on social media but in my everyday life and yes I still get misgendered mainly because I'm not on T or had top surgery yet but one step at a time. You can't rush being who you truly are. You need to focus on the process and allow yourself to heal from the past and understand that not everyone sees life the way you do. so with the marriage coming to an end I have found that I'm more happy with myself and less anxious and depressed then I was when I was married and listen to others opinions about who I am when they don't live a day in my footsteps. We are all humans and instead of tearing each other down how about we raise each other up and be more positive than negative about our beliefs of each other. If you need help finding yourself you can do what I did which at first I was in women groups on facebook thinking that would help me prove to myself I was a girl when I knew I wasn't.
